"He's at the 50"
Story by Michael R Denney
© 2012 ⓟ June Drive Publishing All Rights Reserved
This just might be the first autobiography written by a self-styled, satirical southern humorist, that's as unknown as your local postman. But I ask you, how come the famous have got a lock on autobiographies, non-famous people do stupid things too! And on occasion, they do something funny, and even less occasionally, swerve into some nuggets of truth.
The title is one of those play on words that has a double meaning. Members of certain writing societies in big cities like, Middleburg and Palatka, generally refer to it as, double entendre. The only society I'm a member of is the animal loving Humane Society, so I can get away with saying, it's just words with a double meaning.
The first meaning is the more obvious one, announcing I have hit the midway point in life. Actually, I always saw my midway point to be closer to 75, but SS actuarial tables have me cashing in my chips pretty near my preferred midway point. I'm sticking with my numbers. Besides, who can trust government numbers as they relate to 'bout anything. Furthermore, I reserve the right to my move my midpoint back as I get closer to it.
The other part of the title refers to an event you wouldn't know about if I didn't tell you. In the book I go into detail about it, but for now, I've only got enough room to tell you that, as a kid, I had a wardrobe malfunction on the way to a certain touchdown. Because of it, the opposition caught up with me ...at the 50.
Table of Contents:
Prologue
"...He's at the 50"
Fishin'- What do southern boys learn to do to before they can walk? No, not cuss! we learn to bait a hook.
Players- Sports are more than scores and highlights. There's people in those uniforms, with stories to tell.
Fightin'- It could be said there's nary a man woman or child hasn't been involved in some kind of dust up.
Dog Tales- The best lessons in life are surely taught by people but it's amazing how many revolve around animals. A story of love, all kinds of it.
Crossroads-Life is a journey into the unknown. There is safety and comfort in familiar places. But travelers ultimately have to be upon their way. Along the way there are crossroads.
If at first you don't succeed... I've had a lot of jobs and a couple of careers while I was puttin' food on the table. It took me 50 years to figure out, the best way to find a job is to go do what you love and then pray someone will pay you for it. There is a risk you might never be rich... but only in the monetary sense.
World and family politics- If you want to liven up a family reunion, tell 'em who you're votin' for!
The Butterfly Story is the title of a song I wrote with my friends Rick Ferrell and Jennifer Hicks. It got a little national airplay and was making a run up the charts until radio stations actually realized what the song was about! But that's just a part of the story of "Butterfly."
Then There Was One/The Vision- After everyone leaves the party there's just you, the mess and God. Everyone, at some time, will be confronted with the choice of whether to accept or deny the existence of God. I believe it's the biggest decision a person has to make in life. Yeah, bigger than whether to get those big mud tires or what color shoes to wear to the prom! This chapter includes the true story about an encounter I had with a messenger from God. I aint kiddin. And yes, I was cold sober, wide awake, and just standing in the kitchen. I was just minding my own business, cooking spaghetti when...